All I want for Christmas is you
by Duckt-Tape90
Summary: Christmas is all about being with people you love, but what if your love goes MIA?


_Dear Santa,_

 _I've tried my very best to be a good boy. Really I have. Well I did kinda broke our neighbor's window with a soccer ball, but it was an accident I swear! And I apologized Mrs. Robinson afterwards and she said it was OK. I'm not sure if I'm in the good or naughty list. I guess I must have been a bit naughty, 'cos Daddy's not here yet. But I didn't mean to. Really I didn't! Daddy told me to be a good boy and he'd be home before I knew it, but he's been gone for awful long time and I know it. He promised to come home. He promised! But it's almost Christmas and we haven't heard of him for months. Mommy said he won't never come home. I don't believe it. Daddy promised and he never breaks his word. I was angry at first, but Mommy said it wasn't his fault, Daddy had tried his best but some naughty men stopped him. Mommy's been sad ever since those fancy dressed men came for visit. They had similar kind of blue dresses as daddy has, but daddy has more ribbons on his. Daddy hates those things. We miss daddy. Please Santa, if I'm in the good list all I want for Christmas is Daddy to be home. Help him find his way back to us. I promise I'll be the nicest boy in the whole world. Just bring my Daddy home. I know you can do it. You're Santa you can do anything. Say Hi to the elves and give the reindeer some carrots for me._

 _Merry Christmas_

 _Luv,_

 _Charlie O'Neill_

In the dark of the night she sat alone at the kitchen table and cried. Her heartbroken sobs cut the surrounding silence as the tears run free on her cheeks. She'd pulled through yet another day, doing her daily tasks and hiding her pain deep inside. She had to be strong for Charlie. Her little boy had already lost his father he shouldn't lose his mother too. So she carried on. Day after day after day, forcing herself to smile, to live, to be there for her son. But at night when Charlie was asleep she sat alone in the dark and let her anguished soul mourn for their lost.

She'd knew the risks when they got married. Knowing the dangers of his job, she'd given a good thought to how her life would be like as a military spouse, before approving his proposal. Endless nights worrying whether her husband would come back home alive from the long missions. Never knowing when the duty would call again and Air Force would one more tear them a part. Nightmares that kept them both awake after some mission had gone wrong. Being unable to help when something he'd done or hadn't done slowly ate him inside. The secrets that kept building up between them when everything became classified. Never knowing if this would be the last day, the last kiss, the last time she would hold him tight and bury her face to his chest and breathe in the comforting scent of the one she loved the most.

She never knew much of the missions. Where he was going, what he was doing or when or if he would come back home. All she knew was that she'd be there waiting for him. This time the call of duty wasn't such a big surprise. Troops had been built up in Saudi-Arabia for some time now and it was only a matter of time when special operation forces would be involved. When the day came he had took her in his arms and kissed her passionately like it'd been the first time. Or maybe the last. He'd hold his family, told them to be brave and strong, told them how much he loved them, and then turned away and walked to the waiting car, never looking back. Sara had picked Charlie up and watched as the car departed leaving a giant hole in their hearts. A hole shaped of Jack O'Neill.

Days turned slowly into weeks and weeks crawled into months. Waiting was painful but the pain was nothing compared to the agony she'd felt when that airman in dress blues had stood at the porch, holding his hat in his hands as a gesture of honor and sympathy.

"Mrs. O'Neill"

He didn't need to say more. Sara fell on her knees into the doorway as the cry of the broken heart echoed in the air.

How do you tell to a five-year-old that his father would never come back home? Charlie was too young to understand the concept of death. He was convinced that his father would come back. Jack had promised and he would never break his word. Charlie's adamant trust on his father caught up with Sara. She couldn't believe she'd never see her husband again. She wouldn't believe it. The very thought of living without Jack, raising their son all alone, was enough to take her breath away leaving her empty with no will to continue with her life. The sorrow and pain as her only company.

She refused to give up on hope. Jack was alive. Missing, alone, probably injured, maybe captured, but he was alive. He must be or she wouldn't have the strength to carry on. She needed him. Charlie needed him. Sara was sure that if Jack really had died she'd knew it the second the bullet had pierced his heart. She'd felt it as a part of herself would have died in that very moment too. After all Jack had taken her heart with him. Until she'd see the lifeless body of her husband with her own eyes she would never believe that he was really dead. She couldn't. She had to stay strong. For Charlie.

Charlie. That little boy was all she had left now. He was her reason to get up in the morning, her very existence. If it weren't for Charlie there wouldn't be Christmas this year. If it weren't for Charlie there wouldn't be lights in the empty family house once so full of life and happiness. If it weren't for Charlie she'd given up a long time ago.

She'd tried to keep their life as normal as possible. Charlie deserved better. He should have a happy Christmas with a loving family like all the other kids had. He should get tons of presents and that joy every kid had on Christmas. He should be waiting for Santa at the window. She'd gotten the tree, cleaned and decorated the house, spent the day in the kitchen making all the Christmas goodies, trying to create right kind of atmosphere. But it all felt fake, she couldn't catch the Christmas spirit without Jack. Christmas was all about being a family. How to be a family, without family, when you're family has been ripped apart? She'd asked Charlie to write a letter to Santa so she'd get an idea about how to make her son happy for that one special day. Now she was sitting alone in the kitchen, staring blindly at the letter and feeling the hot tears once again building up in her eyes.

 _Please Santa, if I'm in the good list all I want for Christmas is Daddy to be home._

Oh Jack where are you? Please make our wish come true. All we want for Christmas is you.


End file.
